Last Friday, Batman Versus Superman Colon Dawn of Justice opened in cinemas worldwide, just one day after the majority of the audience decided they hated the film. The movie has been coming close to breaking box-office records everywhere, with multiple people buying tickets in at least seven cinemas. However, whilst lots of people have looked at the screen whilst Zack Snyder’s latest MAGNUM OPUS (‘Really good film‘ in Latin) played in front of them, very few have truly seen it. That’s because very few people are as good at spotting secrets as me. And Snyder has packed Batman Vs Superman Colon Dawn Of Justice with secrets.
So, to celebrate Easter (Last Sunday!), I’m going to come down to your level for a second and refer to these secrets as ‘Easter Eggs’, and unveil them all to you, people of the world! Are you ready? You’d better be. Superman wouldn’t give you this warning. He didn’t give the terrorist he killed in the desert this warning.
MILD SPOILERS AHOY!
1.’The’ Easter Egg
Zack Snyder is a master at packing secrets into every scene, even every word. In the email Bruce Wayne sends to Wonder Woman, he uses the word ‘the’. This is a subtle reference to the 2004 animated series, The Batman. The series took it’s name from the fact that there is only one Batman, even though there’s like six.
2.You could call it typecasting.
Lex Luthor, played by Jesse Eisenberg in the movie, is a tech genius, who specialises in computer software. We find out at one stage that Luthor has started up a highly successful website, and that his company is hugely successful due to him screwing over his business partners. This is a bit like Jesse Eisenberg is in another one of his movies: The Squid and the Whale, in which he invents a dating website for adventurous Cephalopods looking to meet large water-dwelling mammals. The title of that movie was a reference to DC villain The Squid, who first appeared in Batman Comics #357, and was definitely not a slap-dash metaphor for director Noah Baumbach’s parents.
3. Blood is thicker than some other liquids
During their first confrontation, Batman shouts at Superman “DO YOU BLEED?”. Many took this as a cheesy threat, but he is in fact referring to Batman Comics #452. This adventure saw Bruce Wayne attend medical school and become a qualified hermatologist. Even though he rarely utilises these skills, Batman retains a strong interest in blood. So he decided to ask Superman a question about it, to be friendly. You can tell by Ben Affleck’s acting that Batman is very disappointed when Superman does not respond.
Batman also has a blood fetish. This is why he is a bat man rather than a Pigeon Man or a Fearow Man. When Batman is having sex, he likes to flap his arms about, then bite into the lady’s neck while she thinks about his money.
4. Lois Lane’s Little Living Situation
In a clever nod towards the character’s name, Lois Lane in the movie lives on a road called Lois Lane Street. Look at the scene where Amy Adams is baking a cake and you can clearly see an envelope on the table saying “Amy Adams’ Character, Lois Lane Street, Gotham City, GH1 BM3”
Before he took control of the DC Universe, director Zack Snyder was best known for his work on the hit musical Hairspray. That’s why it’s no surprise to see some Hairspray appear in Lois Lane’s bathroom. Zack Snyder also directed the film 300, which is why the film is 300 hours long.
6. Bathing To No End
During the scene where Amy Adams is in the bath, you can almost see her tits. This is a reference to the fact that she is a woman, and women have what scientists call ‘mammary glands‘ or ‘tits‘, depending on who they’re talking to. While some have labeled this scene gratuitous, it demonstrates a key twist regarding Lois Lane’s character. Up until that point I just thought Superman was gay.
7. Superman is gay
Deal with it.
8. All six or whatever Batmen are in the movie
You all spotted Batfleck (The cannon name given to this incarnation of Batman, played by Ben Affleck). But did you spot the five others? You can see Batton (The cannon name given to the incarnation of Batman played by Michael Keaton from 1989 to 1992) in the courtroom scene, eating a salad. Christian Bale (The cannon name given to he incarnation of Batman played by Christian Bale from 2005 to 2013) plays Wonder Woman in the movie, and all the others shall all appear in the extended director’s cut DVD edition. Even Batman of the Future.
9. Toilet Humour
Batman, as a mammal, produces solid waste products in the form of faeces, which is secreted from his body through a muscle known as the anus. This act of deification is one both bats and men perform regularly. Zack Snyder, an avid biologist, wanted to sneak the subtlest possible reference to this act into Batman Vs Superman Colon Dawn of Justice, and that is why the film is shit.