Prime Minister and chairwoman of Witches Without Brooms Theresa May, 151, has announced that she wants to appoint the infamous Magic Money Tree to her ministerial cabinet.
In-between meetings with the DUP and Robert Mugabe, Prime Minister May found the time to release a statement claiming that, by bringing Mr Mun-E-Tree into a ministerial position, she would be able to end austerity.
Medjic Mun-E-Tree, age unknown, has been the centre of a human rights scandal ever since Prime Minister May insisted that he didn’t exist. Mr Mun-E-Tree has also been involved in a smaller altercation with leader of the Opposition Jeremy Corbyn who, although acknowledging Mun-E-Tree’s existence, has been seen shaking five-pound notes from his gnarled branches to give to the poor.
Earlier this week Ms May invited Mr Mun-E-Tree to an impromptu Tory cabinet meeting where she planned to ply him with some sweet miracle-gro and false promises in order to bring him on board as a minister. It is reported that, during this meeting, the supercilious tree told Theresa May to ‘fuck off’.
It wouldn’t be the first time an inanimate object has cussed at the PM. During her campaign the Houses of Parliament came to life in order to say to her ‘you’re a bit of a bitch, aren’t you?’
In an interview with the Times, when asked ‘would you ever consider working with Prime Minister May in the future?’ Mr Mun-E-Tree’s reply was a curt –
‘Would you want to work with a lying c**t?’
When asked about her meeting with Mr Mun-E-Tree, PM May said ‘I’m sorry, there simply is no magic money tree. Now excuse me while I go and sell some weapons to the Saudis – that’s my magic gunny-money tree.’
May and Mun-E-Tree are set to face each-other in court on June 20th, after which we’ll know if he’s actually real or a shared hallucination.